third trimester: weeks 28-the end.

we enter the third trimester...

[week 28.  // week  31.]

[father's day. // grandpa's day.]

 [week 34. // week 36.]

 

 [week 37. // week 41.]

 [room sneak peek. // testing out your stroller.]

nicknames:  baby girl & your name.  [we will reveal it soon.]

gender:  still a girl at the 36 week ultrasound.  thank goodness.  i would have had a lot of pink things to return and a nursery to redo! 

feeling:  bigger, bigger, and bigger.  it's been a hot summer.  the last month of pregnancy has been hard.  i feel tired a lot [which little did we know, was mostly due to a lack of iron!]  ...but mostly we are feeling really excited to meet you.  once i hit 40 weeks, i thought i might be stuck pregnant forever...

food:  eating less and less.  i still love fresh, cold fruit.  pretty much anything that is cold. 

clothing:  derek's t-shirts, leggings, and basketball shorts.  most days i'm in my pajamas until afternoon.

other fun facts:  

decorating your nursery was so much fun!  

the first time derek saw you moving in my belly was at church.  he was a little weirded out. 

swimming all summer long has felt so good.  

your blessing dress is just about done!  

you weighed 6.5 pounds at 36 weeks.  we hope you aren't a giant baby.  

your dad flew to utah when i was 38 weeks pregnant and we were so glad you didn't come while he was gone. 

that pregnancy pillow is magic.  best $60 ever spent.  

attempting every way possible to put myself into labor.  walking, squats, pineapple... nothing worked.

spoiled. [texas baby shower.]

this baby is the most spoiled and so loved.  

our new ward in texas and my mother-in-law threw a baby shower for me. 

there were so many who came to support, a lot of them i had just met or never met before.

i was amazed at their kindness.  

we can't wait for little baby girl to get here.  

[she's got the biggest wardrobe waiting for her.]

mosts & misses.

my most favorite pregnancy things.

bath and body works body scrub.  feels so good on that stretching tummy.

target "liz lange" maternity leggings. every day.
my nightgown.

this [i adjusted a bit smaller] & this shirt pattern. 

cold fruit.  for every meal.

feeling baby move.

the conversations that "baby" brings up.
[like the little girl at ikea - "mom!  look!  she has a baby!"]

ina may's childbirth book & my dear friends inspiration to birthing, which i turned into a book.

nesting and getting baby's room ready.

my most missed pregnancy things.

which wich.

my cute clothes [and yes, the body that fit into them.]

piyo & real good exercise in general.

sleeping through the night. [with one pillow, might i add...]

eating a normal sized meal without it hurting.

not feeling so worn out all the time.
my belly button. [is that weird?!]
being able to breathe. 

keeping me laughing.

 friday went a little something like this...

wake up at 4 am being poked in the cheek, repeatedly.  i roll over and ask derek what he's doing.  he said, "i'm making sure you weren't sleeping on your back."  we both fell back asleep.  later that day i remembered the poking, and could not stop giggling about it.

"date night" consisted of an outing to lowe's, washing the car, getting hot fudge sundae's at mcdonald's, and then eating them at the outdoor mall.  a family asked us to take their picture, so i had them take ours after [see photo above].  the lady kept trying to pose us, "no, no - hand on belly."  "you too sir, hand on belly."  hence, the awkward belly pic that we laughed quite a bit at.

we decided to walk through barnes & noble on our way back to the car.  i love the children's book section.  on our way out of the store we walked past two teenage girls who happened to be reading, "what to expect when you're expecting."  they both looked up at us, their eyes got really big and embarrassed.  we kept walking and burst out laughing.  the best part, we could hear them laughing too.

third trimester freak outs.

28 weeks.

i hit the third trimester and suddenly it's time to panic.  [it's only slightly funny.]

like the other night i woke up at 4 to go to the bathroom.  i couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to walk across the hall.  i got back in bed and said, "i can't even wake up to go to the bathroom, how am i supposed to take care of a child?!"

i literally feel like i need a nap every day.  probably because i wake up in the morning and more body parts hurt than when i fell asleep.  will i ever sleep again?!  ...because pretty much everyone is telling me no.

"next week is june.  that means i'll have a baby in two months.  i'm not ready for this."

baby is going to be a stubborn one like her mom.  if she doesn't like where i'm resting my hands or the position i'm in, she's sure to tell me with those kicks.  it's kind of hilarious.

i can't even think about actually giving birth.  i can't tell you how many times i've repeated grandma walter's advice, "you just have to remember it doesn't last forever."  i just have to remember that every human ever has been born.  i got this.

second trimester: weeks 14-27.

 that belly coming in.

[16 week bump. // 20 week belly.]

baby's nice profile pic.

 

[24 week bump. // 27 weeks. mothers day.]

nicknames:  baby girl & baby.  trying to come up with a name for you.  although, we have a few ideas in mind.

gender:  at 16 weeks we found out you were a baby girl.  i'm still slightly in denial because i was so sure you were a boy.  but our 20 week ultrasound confirmed it.  we are getting so excited for all the pink and ruffles and bows.

feeling:  so much better.  i don't feel nauseous and i have quite a bit of energy back.  i actually made dinner and went to the gym a few times too.  just getting bigger, which is weird.  and the heartburn.

food:  most things sound good again.  i love love love cold fresh fruit.  and i just want a ham sandwich so bad.

clothing:  every morning is a struggle.  i finally started wearing maternity pants about week 18, because not even the hair elastic trick was working anymore.  maternity clothes are hard to find and expensive, but trying to find some cute stuff.  stretchy pants for the win.

other fun facts: people have started noticing "you."  my students at school were SO excited to find out i was pregnant.  they all want me to name her after them, of course.  walking through the baby section is rough, i have to close my eyes so i don't buy all the things.
and you are kicking a lot!  it's so fun!  i didn't know if it was kicking until 21 weeks.  i noticed the first time at the hospital on easter when the nurse was trying to monitor your heartbeat and you kept kicking away the machine.  ha.

on mother's day.

i remember it so clearly, so vividly, as if it were yesterday.  it's amazing how some days, and their emotions, just stick with you forever.  it was saturday night, the day before mother's day, last year.  we got a knock on my parent's door and it was bff kayla with a large bouquet of flowers.  she said, "these are for you, because mother's day just sucks when you're trying to get pregnant."  she knew.

church the next day wasn't terrible.  my dad, being the bishop, stood up at the end of the meeting and bore the sweetest testimony.  he said, "for many of you today isn't a day of celebration.  struggles of losing a child, not having children, death of a mother, poor relationships, there are many reasons that people are hurting on mother's day.  but don't forget that the atonement of Jesus Christ can heal all of our hurt, and replace it with hope and joy."  i bawled.  he said it for me, really, though everyone else got to listen in.  i was so grateful for the reminder.

this year was my "first official" mother's day.  at least that's what everyone kept telling me.  but i wasn't sure how i felt about that.  yes, i'm having a miracle baby and i'm so thrilled.  i'll be a "mom" this year.  but that longing for motherhood was the same last year as it was today.  i found ways to "mother", especially through my jobs.  i found ways to nurture, create, give hope and life, although it wasn't in baby form.  this year opened my eyes that last year (and all years) i truly was a mother, although i couldn't see it at the time.  all women have that gift and we must embrace it in our lives in whatever form it comes.

favorite talks on not necessarily being a "mother":

"are we not all mothers?" by sheri dew

"what shall we do?" by neill marriott

gender reveal.

we went in the end of february to do an "early ultrasound" at 16 weeks to find out if baby asay is a boy or girl.  i was certain it was a boy.  like for sure.  derek was thinking girl.  we did our ultrasound test and she said, "well, it looks like it's a girl."  and my response was, "oh really?"  haha!  no crying, no excitement, nothing.  the tech then said, "so, are you happy about that?"  YES, of course!  i was just so surprised!

we had a small gathering with pink filled cupcakes [which was the worst idea-i'm a terrible baker].  my brother guessed girl, and brought all the balloons with him.  it was the perfect backdrop.  everyone was just as surprised as we were... everyone else thought it was a boy too!

we are so excited for baby girl asay to join our family!  [although, i'm skeptical until our next ultrasound to double check.... i mean, how can they look at that little tiny black and white screen and know?!]

telling your family you're pregnant.

so i saw these shirts online forever ago.  like literally years.  before we even were trying to have kids.  i bought them, because i knew it was how i wanted to tell our family, so we've been moving them from place to place with us.  

we decided to wait until christmas to tell our families.  it was a long couple of weeks, especially when i didn't feel so great.  [you start to run out of excuses.]  once it was finally time we came up with some reason they all needed to open them, "these are dumb gifts we got for you guys over the summer - but they're all the same so you have to open them at the same time."

i wish i could upload the video, because it is seriously the best response ever.  first, someone says, "oh cool, a white t-shirt."

then there was screaming, cheering, crying, more screaming.  

obviously, they didn't see it coming and they were just as surprised as we were!

[derek's mom was in town, my parents and brother.]

we then got to do the same thing on skype with derek's family.  it was the same reaction!  

nobody felt like their presents could compete after that... ha. 

first trimester: weeks 4-13.

nicknames:  kidney bean & gummy bear.

gender:  i'm pretty sure it's a boy, but it's a 50/50.

feeling: so. tired. all. the. time.  i'm so grateful i've only thrown up a few times, and it's always late at night.  i feel awesome in the mornings and nauseous at night time.

food: totally depends on the day.  because it's different every day.  salty things always sound good.  i made cookies and didn't eat a single one, that's bizarre.  bagels, and pancakes, and basically all the carbs always sound good.  this is what a typical shopping trip looks like - whatever sounds good that day.  but walking by the hot dog aisle at the store made me gag.

clothing:  still wearing my normal clothes, although my pants are getting tighter.  my hair band elastic trick has come to save the day.  although most days i stare at my closet not wanting to attempt at trying anything on. [yes, i know it gets worse! ha!]

other fun facts:  we got to hear the heartbeat at 7 weeks, since we were going to the fertililty center and that was an incredible experience.  they are little tiny humans, even that small!  it's amazing!

on finding out you're pregnant [when you really aren't "expecting" it.]

okay, i don't know if you can say that you're not really "expecting" to get pregnant, when you spend every week at the fertility doctor doing all sorts of crazy things.  but after so many "no's" you really don't expect anything to work.

once again, tmi story.  you're welcome. 

two weeks after a procedure [we did "iui"] you go in to have your blood drawn so they can test if you really are pregnant.  the day before my blood draw i was sure i started my period.  i called the doctor's office and explained that i was spotting so we should just cancel the blood draw and start the next round of procedures.  then the nurse [has the nerve] to say, "well, you know, spotting can be a sign of early pregnancy."  at any other time i probably would have been like 'yeah, yeah...thanks for the advice... but... i've had this a million times before.'  actually, that is what i was saying, but more angrily, in my head.  DON'T GET MY HOPES UP, LADY.

well, i really hate the blood draw part of the process.  like, it's actually the worst part.  since i was out running errands anyways, my stubborn self decided to stop and buy a pregnancy test to "prove" this lady that it was my period, just how it'd been every other month of my life.

turns out, she was right.

i sat there staring for a good ten minutes.  never had i seen a positive line.  i held it up, turned it every which way, made sure it wasn't just the lights glinting off it in some way.  i walked away and came back.  it was pure shock.  i took another one the next morning.  more wide-eyed staring.  i, of course, had my blood work done.  positive.  i couldn't believe it.  i think i was so shocked i didn't even cry.  [and i cry about everything.]

next step...try keeping a huge secret like this from your family for a few weeks.  i'm a terrible secret keeper.

miracle baby asay.

derek and i have an announcement!

part of me is so excited to put it out to the world. 

the other half of me hurts, knowing what it's like to be on the longing, wishing, waiting side.

{remember, you are not forgotten.}

miracles happen!

baby asay is coming in early august.

we're so beyond grateful for the love, support and help from the utah fertility center, our family and our friends.