what to say.

[a view from derek's grandparents front yard.]

over the summer my desire to blog got less and less. 

mostly, because i didn't know what to say. 

it's like opening to a new journal entry. 

i stare at the blank page, wanting and waiting to put something, anything. 

sometimes it's because days seem long and redundant.  almost boring to any outsider. 

other times it's too hard, too personal, too long, too much.

so, i guess, this is what i've decided to say.

this year has been the best and the worst.  really, truly.

my anxiety has been at an all-time low and i'm the happiest [and most calm] i've been since we got married.

this year has also had moments where it's felt like everything is falling apart.  

relationships are hard.  feeling is hard.  but with that comes the opposite, the best too.

most days i laugh about my problems and hard times.  it's nothing personal, i just find it more enjoyable than crying.

this year has been bland.  like the arizona desert.  in the best way possible.

my job fills me with excitement.  those fourteen year olds are truly some of my favorite humans on the planet.

over the summer i gained a bunch of weight.  i worried about it.  it bothered me.  and then i realized it's about me and my body.  i can do something about it, or i can be upset.  so i started doing.  

[i'm not here to post about my "journey to weight loss".]

the sun rises and the sun sets.  it's redundant.  and yet, it's my very favorite part of every single day.