being a mom.

[joel and baby derek, circa 1990]

today i caught myself daydreaming as i drove home from work.
thinking of the children that will one day run through our house.
the house that will hopefully be larger than this apartment.
of summer nights and family vacations.

as a teenager my entire focus was on me and my future.
getting good grades.  extracurricular activities. and any extra time with friends.
college was my goal.  which has now come and gone.
and as soon i graduated i wondered, "what comes next?"

as a teacher i get to love, care for, and teach children.
they become my own.  i think every teacher calls them "my kids".
each of them makes my heart burst with love a little bit more.
and yet, there is still something missing.

i never really thought of myself as a mother. sure, i'd have kids someday but i never gave it much thought.
it's amazing how ideas can change.  now it's a want, not just a have to.
when that day will actually come, i'm still not sure.
but when it does, i will love those kids with everything i've got.

[no, i'm not pregnant.]
special thanks to all my friends who have recently become mothers and your incredible example to me.