a dose of me [too].

earlier this week i started reading a blog post.  shortly another distraction came into play and i never quite made it to the end.  luckily, i have this amazing mom who also knew this post was just what i needed and sent it my way.  this time i finished it.  and i couldn't be more than grateful that i did.  

although our struggles are different, they are very much the same.  i cry every time i reread this paragraph.  happy tears.  sometimes, other people just perfectly put in words the deepest parts of you.  mine comes from here.

"That was actually one of the most powerful lessons I have learned through all of this.  What a gift it is when someone can see your needs and respond to that.  Most people saw Shannon – a happy new mom, business owner, blogger, scripture studier, teacher…. they didn’t know what else was happening, and I desperately needed people to see.  And then when they did know, I needed them to build me, give me hope and assurance that this will end.  Never before have I ever needed other’s service than I did then.  So often people went to the drama of it and told me stories that are rare cases, I think that is often the inclination of women.  But those did awful damage to me and just filled me with greater fear and anxiety – I needed people to tell me that so many amazing women have been through this and they are just fine – which I know is actually the case – but that is not very interesting to talk about.  So, I went into self-preservation-mode and just stopped talking to anyone about it.  It was too risky.

So that is a gift I have realized I want in myself.  To be able to really see what people need, and do all I can to give them that.  Not what I am willing to give, or what is convenient, but what they need.  So, they dictate how much, when, and where I serve them.  What a beautiful thing to be able to do!"

i'm sorry if i seem distant.  i apologize for not throwing everything out there.  somedays it just felt easier to try to ignore everything that was happening.  but i can tell you, i've come a long way from where i started.  although my journey is not over yet, it's definitely making progress. 

but these things i have learned.  that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are always there.  always, no matter what.  that i have a wonderful husband and family, and even doctors, with tremendous support.  that prayer is so very real.  that patience is hard, but necessary.  that there are little tiny blessings in every day, that at the time can seem like huge, magnificent miracles.  and that good things do come.