done. yet only just beginning.

i came home feeling...tired. worn out.
it's been a long day. and i went straight to laying on the floor.  my head throbbing.
and yet, i feel good, accomplished. like this is going how this whole next semester is going to look.

yesterday as i was walking across campus, it felt...different.
i saw students, mostly freshman, excited to be here.  looking forward to a new year.
but i knew it wasn't my feelings.  i didn't really feel like i fit in, like i didn't belong.
but then i thought about the real world. what's coming ahead. and i don't feel i belong there yet either.
an interesting little bit of time where i'm just stuck in the middle.
done with my classes on campus.  but not part of the "real world" yet.

as i sat in my six hour meeting about the upcoming student teaching i felt...a lot, i guess.
nervous, yet excited. scared out of my mind, yet calm.
so happy to be doing what i've worked so hard to do, yet unsure of what i'm even doing.
dreams of teaching becoming a reality, the scary thought that this is reality.
but in the end i left with reassurance.
i'm here because i love my major.  i'm here because of all those who supported me along the way.
our teachers told us how proud they were of us, that they know how far we've come and how hard we've worked.
they told us that we are important. that even though most of the world sees our major was a useless one, we can be the ones to make a difference in homes.  we can change lives.
and with that i felt inspired. responsible. terrified. and confident.  because there are so many people who believe in me.

as i clocked out of work today for the last time i felt...done.
grateful. for the opportunity i've had to work in such an awesome job the entire time i've been in college.  for the people i've come to know and work with.  for how willing they were to work with me and my schedule.  for the income it's provided for a way to pay my part through school.
a job that i put a lot of time and work into. it wasn't quite sad, but it wasn't quite happy either.  i feel ready to move on to new things.  but it will always be my "home away from home" where i spent most of my time on campus.

and as monday rolls around, i realize i'm only just beginning.  and right now it feels very... surreal.