june thoughts.

there are days i get caught up in the here and now.
"i don't have time because i work all day."
"i have to organize this and arrange that."
"it's too expensive."
"i need to go to the bank, call about insurance..."
the to-do list goes on and on and on.

but today i took a short break from work and just went for a walk.
the sun was shining and the grass was so green.
it seems like days like this seem to reach to my soul.

my thoughts went back to memories laying on the same grass, throughout years now.
how i've been in this similar place, doing the same routine.
i've worked in the same place my whole time through school.
i wake up, go to school and work, and call it a day.

my thoughts continued on to changes.
my whole life i've wanted everything to stay exactly the same.
it was comfortable. it was happy.
and sometimes i was just scared of the change.

but today, something inside me started to emerge.
things are changing, i am changing.
[i'm even married now.]
looking back how far i've come since the first time i walked into this building for work is astounding.
my vision has grown, expanded, been nourished.
because of changes. me changing.
and though i didn't notice at the time, i can see it now. at least a little.

i then thought about how i want to live the life i've imagined.
just how the quote by thoreau on my fridge says.
i want to take risks.
do something i wouldn't normally do.
embrace the change.
be more than excited about being a teacher.
love the fact that maybe we will move across the country one day.
do something each day that makes my family happy, myself included.
be less lazy and get up and do what i want to do.

the time is flying by and i'm not getting enough out of it.
the first change i'm starting with is me.

...and these are my june thoughts.